I don’t always feel courageous. I often feel scared, worried, hesitant that my decisions will somehow negatively affect something or someone. Regarding times of chaos and crisis, I been asked, “how do you handle the stress?” or “how did you stay so calm?”
I remember saying, “Have you ever seen a duck floating around a pond? they just glide across the water, smooth and calm. But, If you look under the surface, you’ll see their feet paddling 90 to nuthin. That’s how I feel. I’m terrified but I somehow get through it.”
I was given this gift yesterday, a friend who started wood burning this year made it for me. She captured my love for horses and a life principle ingrained in me at childhood in one piece of art.
We had horses at the children’s home and at one of my foster homes (the one I lived at the longest-the one that is still family to this day). I’ve been around horses most of my childhood/teen years. Got to help break & train them as young as 11yrs old. the number one rule is no matter what happens, if you fall off or thrown off, you get back on that horse. No matter how hurt, no matter how scared, you get back on–even if its just a few minutes.
I hadn’t realized how that principle has somehow become applied to so many aspects of my life. No matter how scared, how hurt, how unsure, you show up, you do your best. You harness your fear and you get on that horse.
Out of breath.
Locked in the closet hoping my husband has gone away.
Ear to the door I’m checking for any sound that might indicate his presence.
It’s been 5 minutes since I last checked. Surely he has given up.
Somewhere out there, he’s stalking around the house with a Jack Nicholson crazy eye and a completely loaded, ice-cold, water filled, SUPER SOAKER, waiting to exact his revenge.
He’s so over the top, all this because someone (maybe me, ok.. me) was shooting rubber bands at him while he tried to watch his college football.
These are the moments I love ❤️.
A father and his 8 yr old son were in the yard throwing a football around.
“I’m gonna be in the NFL one day!” said the boy.
“You can’t even catch the ball, son,” said the dad.
“I’m gonna learn, and then I’ll play NFL,” the boy shot back.
“Son, NFL players start learning when they are 4 or 5, and they practice hours a day,” said his dad. “It’s too late.”
After a few minutes, the little boy put the football down and found something else to do.
5 years old:
I stood and stared, for hours, out of the window of our New York apartment building waiting for my father to show up. It was my birthday. He never showed up. I don’t remember much about New York, but I remember looking out of that window for a long time. I remember waiting. Continue reading
“She’s not my mom. She just gave birth to me.” That’s what I told the judge. I was 13 yrs old and had recently run away from the children’s home. He gave me the option to go back, live with my mom or put myself in foster care. Continue reading
Recently I heard someone explaining the key to having good relationships and friendships, and they compared it to a checking account.
Once you’ve established an account, you want to make sure the account stays in the positive and that it grows over time. Continue reading